Explode My Soul

For the past week I've realized my love for God, and its not a brag thing because I know that I couldn't love Him unless He enables me. As I sit here and listening to worship music and I just sense a love beyond any love another person can give. I sit and just hold back the tears most of the time when I think of God. How my heart yearns for Him and how I just want to be with Him forever. I grieve for the people that don't know Him. Their hearts no different than mine. Their hearts longs for God just the same as mine. However, the only difference is that God wrestled me into submission to realize He fills that void. The only difference between me and the ones out of a relationship with Jesus is that they are still wrestling. Subconsciously I believe that everyone knows and believes in God. The only problem is that they either refuse to acknowledge it or refuse to surrender and live as Jesus calls. I see life with God and see that the only ones on this earth really living are the ones who have encounter God's love. What MTV shows or what society shows as life is merely death. I heard a song today that said, "There's wind in my lungs, life in my veins, and hope in my bones." Blows my mind! I have this life because Jesus died for me to have it and all He asks for us to do is just give up. When people scream in depression or anxiety that they "give up" I believe Jesus just says "Yes, finally!"
    I've always looked in the Bible for a story or a person that demonstrated their love for God the way I would. This week, after reading this story probably 20 times, finally found it. In Luke 7, Jesus was invited to a dinner party at the Pharisee Simon's house. Studying the cultural history I realized that Jesus was ignored by Simon. In that time if you invited someone over to your house you greeted them with either a kiss on the cheek, or if your guest was in a higher social rank a kiss on the hand. Then you, your servant, or your guest would wash their feet because it was considered rude to be at a dinner table with dirty feet. Then after washing their feet, the host would give them oil to put on their head. Simon did none of these things for Jesus. Jesus was ignored when He should have been the guest of honor. Ironically, by the age of 15 Simon had the whole Old Testament memorized including every prophecy of the Messiah. What is ironic is Simon knew about Jesus, but didn't know who He was. As they were in the court yard, a nameless prostitute interupts their dinner. Scripture doesn't say how she knew Jesus, maybe it was when He spoke about forgiveness, or when he said "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest", or maybe He looked at her like no other man did before. However, what she did next would be considered impulsive, reckless, and wrong. Picture this, Jesus reclining at a the end of the table, as everyone knows who she is and looks on in shock and disgust as Jesus looks at her like a Father to a Daughter, she then begins to cry, one tear, then two, then there she sobs, she falls to her face kissing and washing the feet of Jesus with her tears. Then she lets her hair down, which at that time was taboo and a sign of intimacy and grounds for divorce, and then dries the feet of Jesus with her hair. Then what she next does was seen as a waste and unnecessary. The nameless woman breaks the Alabaster Box that was around her neck, that she probably used plenty of times before being intimate with a man, and pours it on Jesus. This woman knew that she encountered the love of God and knew she couldn't return back to the lifestyle she lives. The perfume was now irrelevant to her life. I read that and never saw the beauty of that story before. That in my spirit when I met Jesus that's what I did. Walking past the looks of the ones who knew who I was, the demons who tried to kill me, the voices in my head for years that spoke nothing but death, walking in love and without a care and staring into the eyes of love. Then doing something people would say I should never do and brought my whole self and everything I own and laying it at the feet of Jesus and picked up a cross. My heart connected with this woman. We were the same person. We all are. My love for God caused me to do something wreckless, inappropriate, and impulsive, which was kiss and wash the feet of Jesus and pouring my Alabaster Box out on Him.
    What I would give to see a nation of adults and teens and kids at the same moment just encountering the love of the Father. The agape love. The love that has no end. The love that has no conditions. The love that has no boundaries. I write this sitting and walking in the love of Jesus. With a heart interceeding for a world that if they only knew what they would have if the humbled themselves and poured out themselves to Jesus.