Where My Trust Is Without Borders

     As I laid in bed tossing and turning at 1:32 am, I just reflected on my first year at Lee University. To say it has been the craziest ride ever is an understatement. Most of my biggest fears have been placed in front of me. God has truly taught me so much about myself. One of the biggest lessons that God is continually teaching me is to know what it means to trust Him. I always believed that I trusted God with everything I have, but I learned that I had no clue what it even meant to trust God. This year I have faced more rejection and disappointment than I have ever wanted to experience in my entire life. My times of prayer was filled with tears and crying out to God for understanding. My heart was just consumed with so much disappointment that I lost focus of who God truly is...in control of everything. I was smacked in the face seemingly day after day with being passed over and seeing people overshadow me. I often screamed out to God that "I don't even want to be here, but You are the one who has called me to be here. If anything I should be the one succeeding for my sacrifice."
     There came a point in the midst of my Spring semester that I just came to the end of myself. My heart was full of expectation and dreams. However, all I could see was the words that the accuser stood speaking over me. Words of failure, worthlessness, and uselessness. I knew that in that moment of torment was a divine invitation to trust Him. I knew within a few short days I would be stepping on a tour bus for the last time for a few months expected to minister to churches that have waited for a choir full of college students to step on the stage and bring God to their church. I just sat on the edge of my bed and wrote a list of all the names I felt I had covering me. Words like rejected, failure, worthless, forgotten, and angry filled this small sheet of paper. Then I sought all through my Bible to find a Scripture that just told me God didn't feel the same way about me. I brought this paper with me on this tour. Every moment of the two services I faced an internal battle of feeling the words of accusation, but knowing that God calls me something different. With that paper tucked in the cover of a small Bible, I made it through that tour.
      Then the next wave of fear consumed me for what was to be ahead. I now am forced to face the reality of going home for over three months where I am now by myself with more time alone than ever and without the people who have been with me through the storm. Fear overcame me. How am I to do this alone now? In my final days of being at college I just knew God was saying "make me a close friend." The lesson for this season is to learn Jesus as a Friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am about 13 days into this little journey and it sincerely feels like it has been months. Most of the days, I have faced this battle of hopelessness and doubt, forcing me to cry out to God in the midst of the waves. However, I have heard a voice piercing through the winds saying, "Will you trust Me?" I am learning that God can't teach us to trust Him when everything comes out the way we wanted, but we learn to trust Him when the lack is present and we see the dryness of the desert surrounding us. So as I lay here with the words of accusation speaking death, I can repeat the Truths of God that is an anchor for my soul. I can sleep easy knowing that His ways are high than mine, and that through the fire and hurt He brings for a trust without borders.

How Good is Good Enough?

      Since coming to Lee I've been wanting to write and be able to put to words what God has been doing. However, anytime I go to write or think about what to; my mind just gets jumbled and nothing seemingly productive would come from a post. Tonight though I was just sitting in my room and kind of reflecting on life and my walk with God. Coming to Lee University has been one of the most challenging yet reward experiences ever. The spiritual battle has become so real to me. It seems that I would do something radical and out of my comfort zone for God only to have a ginormous attack to deal with not five minutes later. I've had to deal with many things that I never thought I had real issues with.
      One of these areas in my life God has been working on me is me emotionally. Just a few months before coming to Lee, God was really showing me that people are important in my relationship with God. It wasn't just me and Him, but me, Him, and them. Once arriving at Lee I left all my emotional support and the people who were there for me when I went through something to hug me and be there physically for me. Well here I am at Lee University over 500 miles from all those people in an area that might as well be a foreign country. A week after everyone left and I am now an official grown adult college student who pays for his own food, all Hell literally broke loose. Emotionally I felt isolated and with nobody to help me. Thank God that all got resolved pretty soon.
       Another issue, and a more relevant issue, that God is dealing with me on is anger. There has been so many instances where something happens and I am ready to go to battle. Something even happened right before I sat down to write this. I am quickly learning my life is destine to serve others. Hard pill to swallow to be completely honest. God has called me to serve the ones that I can not even look at without getting angry. There are so many people God is calling me to lead and pastor, and I am fully aware that some peoples' God given purpose is to oppose my leadership and authority. So coincidentally at college I am not only academically preparing for ministry, but spiritually and applicably.
      Tonight I really just did a little evaluation of myself and just felt pretty down and useless. Here I am about 3 years from being thrown into that "full-time ministry" life, yet still having so many issues.  There have been things I've experience while at Lee where I just looked back and questioned, "Am I really going to be a minister?", "Have I already wrecked my anointed?"," Am I going to one day have this huge moral failure leaving my whole world upside down to where everything I ever devoted my life to is now gone?" All those questions are very real to me. Do I see myself entering my first Youth Pastoring job and not having issues with anger, emotions, or any others? Not at all. What I do know is that God isn't mad and throwing me out, but teaching me that I might one day have the ability to sit across from a 13-19 year old me with tears in his eyes and can genuinely say, "I know exactly where you're at. God is not mad or angry with you, but love you just as much as He ever has. You're not a mess up, you did not wreck your anointing, you still have a hope and a future, and you have a story that will touch a generation that will testify to them that God is Faithful." So tonight I can sleep confidently that God is saying the same thing over me. His arm is not too short to grab me, His grace abounds even the more in my sin and shame, His love is unconditional, and His thoughts towards me are nothing but good.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1, NIV)     

Slow Fade

       This probably is the first time I am writing with a genuinely heavy heart. Today I spent majority of it redownloading and going through my iTunes account. One song particularly caught my attention. A song that I have listened to a dozen times. It caught my attention not because it's a piece of musical genius, but because of the truth in it. That song is Slow Fade by Casting Crowns.
       The Music Video of the song starts out with a little girl waking up to her parents fighting about the father having an adulterous affair. That part personally hit home, but as I continued on the lyrics are able to hit home for anyone. The song's primary basis is about how compromise leads you somewhere you didn't originally want to go. There are so many people I have been coming into contact with or hear stories about that their actions are leading to a "slow fade." These slow fades start with a compromise in dating, what you watch, who you decide to hang out with, ect. In this Christian walk it is so easy to compromise God for personal and social satisfaction. At times it feels that the enemy is fighting you so hard that walking away or saying "no" is next to impossible. Compromise can seem so small at times, but those small compromises eventually lead to some of the biggest compromises of your walk with God.
         The first verse says, "Be careful little eyes what you see, It's second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings." Honestly one of best imageries of how our eyes can lead up to bondage. I think of the things that get put in front of our eyes. Through media we are bombarded with sexualized advertisements and shows. Sex is used to sell us material objects that have no relevance to the means of how its being advertised. I was in a store a few months back and saw a girl in a bikini holding a fly swatter. What purpose does it serve to promote a fly swatter with a woman in a bikini? Christians become so desensitized to the immorality because it just becomes so common. The key to fight the enemy in our society is to pray for the eyes of God. The Church needs to begin to pray for the eyes of God for when pornography is thrown in our face we have the power to look away and move on. The first look may be inevitable, but the second glance is what will enslave you to darkness. I recently read an article that stated that Hollywood is now moving from sexual scenes in movies to violence. In the American culture sex is losing a grip, but hatred and violence is on the rise. I believe it is a natural reaction that if a fight brews in front of us we instantly want to watch. Our human nature is violent. Our human nature feeds on rivalry, jealousy, anger, and bitterness. Our inner flesh tells us something completely contrary to what God's nature is. When we place our eyes on fighting and rivalry on television that's who we become. When we fill our eyes with fighting and violence the very act of loving that God calls us to do we begin to miserably fail. That line in the song really made me reflect on the truth that what we place our eyes before can become apart of us and lead us to go farther into sin then what we originally intended to. 
         The chorus also sparked so much thought in me. The chorus sings, "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray, thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid." I look at Christians who once lived accordingly and are now fading off into the distance and genuinely see where compromise of God's Word have been made. I very much believe that the Bible directly and indirectly addresses every situation and circumstances a human being may ever go to. There are times where you have to dig for that answer, but I believe there is a biblical truth for anything a person may be going through. The Bible is black and white and does not have gray areas. When an area of your life such as alcohol, pornography, lying, ect .that you defined as sin and believe so does God begins turning to gray it becomes a dangerous place for you. The enemy will undoubtingly come to you and begin to tell you that "once isn't bad", "it's what everyone else is doing.", or "your just being to strict." However, what you do with those thoughts will either lead you into compromising God's standard or plan you firmer in Biblical truth. I have heard of a family that who never had alcohol in their house end up having a refrigerator full of beer. That little compromise is an opportunity for the enemy to deceive you into addiction. When those "thoughts invade" and the "choices are made" it is inevitable that the "price to be paid" is sin.
          One of the most sobering quotes I've come across is "sin will take you farther than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay, and cost you more than you wanted to pay." Sin invades us when we aren't clear in our boundaries, willing to compromise for our satisfaction, and not willing to submit to correction. "Slow fades" don't happen in a day. These fades are progressive and often stem from one choice. There is not one of us that is exempt from the possibility of this happening to us, but when deceitful spirits come we must know the Word, be filled with the Spirit, and be submitted to God because the Devil is so deceitful that he may be speaking to us and we never catch if its the Spirit or a spirit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QASREBVDsLk

The Importance of Community

     As humans we come in contact with hundreds of people sometimes daily. In our lifetime we can pass by and see thousands upon thousands of faceless humans. Only a small number of those people we become acquainted with. An even smaller amount of those acquainted with we end developing a relationship with them. Then on from that uncountable number of contacts we have only a minuscule amount of people we would consider to be close friends. 

    I'm going through an interesting transition. I feel God really just opening my eyes to the importance of community. God calls us to do 2 things, love Him and love people. If you're anything like me the loving God part is extremely easy, but the loving people thing...not so much. I've really seen lately God opening my heart up to people and showing me how amazing it truly is when you have people close to your heart to experience God with and partner with them in your walk with God.

      All throughout the Bible relationship is prevalent. David had Jonathan, Ruth had Naomi, Jesus had Peter, and Barnabas had Paul. The stories of these friendships are some of the best ever documented. Despite trials, controversy, and adversity these men and women showed loyalty and commitment to each other along with strengthening each other. What's the purpose of friendship? In my opinion the purpose of friendship is to strengthen one another, assist each other in trials, to uphold each other in weakness, and expose things in the other that the other may not see with the purpose of building up the person. 

      In our lives we have blind spots. Places in our lives that we don't see imperfection or shortcomings and when rooted in community those weaknesses can be loving exposed with the intent of helping the person become closer to God. When having a partner(s) in your walk with God it allows you to be subject to accountability and when the person who knows you forward and backward sees something off in you they can easily identify it and help restore you. God allows us to be in relationship not just because it makes Him happy, but because it strengthens us as humans. There's something just so different about life when something goes amazing you have someone to rejoice with, and when it feels like everything is wrong you have someone to cry with. We as humans have this innate desire and need for people. As much as some people suppress it we all have this need for relationship and to be loved. 

       On the subject of love, God has been really just rocking my world with love. Like just loving people. I personally have always been introverted and able to spend hours and even up to days away from any human interaction. Since getting saved I feel that previous nature dissipating. I've become more outgoing, hospitable, and personable. People have been put priority above myself. Over the course of this year I've began to feel a closer bond to what now are my best friends. The level of love I have for about 4 or 5 people is like anything I've ever experienced before. My relationship with God has deepened because of them. Exactly how God intended relationship with people to be. When I look to the Bible I see John 15:13-15 describe friendship as this, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." Hmmmm no greater love than he who lays down his life for his friends? That's extreme! God calls us to love so passionately and fiercely to lay down our lives for another person. What other religion or earthly philosophy would say that if it comes down to you or them....choose them? We live in a world all about I. I get the better car over you. I get the better position at work if it means I have to step over you. If a car is speeding down a busy street and its either you or me...well its too bad for you! But God is saying to love another person so fervently and unconditionally that if it means that you see death so they may live....so be it. 

     My favorite Bible story occurs in 1 Samuel Chapters 18 to 20. Jonathan, despite inheriting power and going against his father's pursuit of David, remained loyal and stood by his friend. Jonathan had his whole life lined up. Jonathan was prince and son of King Saul. Jonathan was destined to become King of Israel. Through marriage David became Prince of Israel, and David grew popular among the Israeli Army and people. Saul's favor and love for David turn to bitterness and hate. Saul knew one day David was going to take the thrown which meant Jonathan would never be King. So Saul purposes in his heart to murder David. Jonathan and David's bond grew strong and they purposes not to let anything come between them. Many times Jonathan risked his own life to aid and intercede for David. David respected Jonathan so much that he bowed down before him three times. Once hearing the news of Saul and Jonathan's death, David composed a song of lamentation called The Song Of The Bow that was instructed to be taught to all the children of Judah. So easily Jonathan could have turned on David. I'm sure Jonathan dreamed many times about become King  and how amazing it would be. Then to have that birth right taken away could have been traumatic for Jonathan if he let it. Jonathan had every right to be angry and to help his dad pursue David's life, but the love he had for him and he valued David too much. So often in the name of position and ministry we easily walk on each other to get ahead. What if we went into the ministerial world with the mentality of Jonathan that when that church of 500 who your father passionately Pastored for 30 years and you were to be the obvious choice for Senior Pastor when he retired next year, and God anoints your best friend for that position and you are to be stuck in the Youth Pastor role for another season. Instead of groaning and moaning over the loss of your promotion you can be like Jonathan and rejoice that God chose your best friend for you to be submitted to in authority. That relationship is the beauty of community. 

      I write this with some of the best people I met thus far in mind and pray that if God exalted one of them over me whether in ministry or personally that I'd react like Jonathan and be their number one supporter. That's what community is about. Giving up our personal agendas, comfort, and position to see God move in others. Joy can be defined as Jesus-Others-Me. I challenge those who don't have this type of relationship to seek God out and then get a name(s) and seek out relationship. You weren't intended to make this journey alone, but to do it arm and arm being rooted in community. 

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17

When The Fluff Stops Here

*I want to preface this by saying that this post may or may not be as popular as the other blogs I wrote. This post stems out of slight frustration and confusion with The Body Of Christ.*

Over the past few months I have visited about 3-5 other churches on top of attending my home church. A common theme that I was noticing was that either the church had growth due to the new attendees leaving another church or have lost members for various reasons. This problem has really weighed heavy on me because I have personally seen the leadership of two churches deal with the heartbreak and confusion of seemingly faithful members leave the church. This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to have a "getaway weekend" with some friends and attend their church. This left me about a good 9 hours alone to really sit and ponder why all these events were happening. I drove and questioned if the problem lied in leadership, the services, or if the problem was solely placed on the person(s) leaving. Being a product of both churches' leadership and despite them not always "getting it right" I still feel their leadership and ability to Shepherd a Church or Youth Group is phenomenal. I've attended both churches' services and God has shown up and moved mightily. Which for me has left only one option...the person leaving. I won't get into too much detail about my opinions on the persons and what they are doing, but the point of this post is to more expose the pattern in the Church lately.

The Scripture that has constantly been ringing in my ears is 2 Timothy 4:3 "For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear." My opinion...welcome to that time. I firmly believe that the main reason for people leaving is because God is sending out a message that isn't very popular. I believe that in these End Times people who are truly hungry to see fruit coming forth from the Body are receiving direction on how to genuinely live for God rather than say a cute little prayer and attend church and call it a nice way to get into Heaven. Hate to bring some Biblical truth to this post but that nice little "Sinner's Prayer" you prayed is not enough (a nice start I'd say, but just that...a start).To truly be saved and enter into Heaven there is a constant pressing forth to the mark, active relationship with Jesus that will result in Holiness, and bearing fruits. I don't say that by our works we are saved, but there is so much more that is involved than a nice little prayer and church attendance. God doesn't care about your church's numbers. I have heard preachers say, " God loves high numbers because that means His Word is being heard." Incorrect! The Devil loves packed out churches to people who really aren't living or hearing the Word. I believe God will move stronger and mightier with a church of 20 devoted Followers than Joel Osteen's church of people attending to feel good. God doesn't need numbers. He wants Followers. The problem, however, is that following God and His Word seriously isn't the most popular of choices. God will breakdown every preconceived doctrine and replace it with His Truth. Also that whole die to yourself daily thing isn't the most popular of the Words Jesus said. 

So what happens when God opened the eyes of a core group and leadership of a church and they begin to truly preach The Word? Exactly what is happening to a few churches I know. I have noticed that in the turn of the year the messages at my home church have drastically changed. I, guest preachers, and my Pastor have all begun preaching this message of Following Jesus and denying ourselves so that Jesus may have His way among us. My biggest frustration in Christians is that many many many of us use Jesus as a self-help program. The average American goals are to FEEL morally right, healthy, wealthy, happy, and have a little religion. When it means to get radical for that religion it is time to go somewhere else. That's what I have been noticing in my church and various other churches. When you stand on The Truth and God's standards many people don't want to hear it and will do anything to fight leadership and sow discord among the Followers before ultimately leaving. When the attention gets turned off of a person and turned to Jesus the popularity that kept someone there begins to fade. (If I were preaching this would be the moment I say " I'm bout to start meddling.") When the fluff in messages being presented from the pulpit ends and the Word gets used for its original purpose to teach, rebuke, correct, and train in righteousness (2 Tim 3:16) people will not stay. The Word can be offensive at times and when leadership rises up and takes its roll to correct the congregation or to tell lovingly that someone is out of order and in rebellion, families will go because now Church isn't about feeling good anymore and we lose this sense of self-righteousness and sense the necessity of denying ourselves and letting go of everything so God can use us. Not every Christian that walks into your church is willing to be apart of God's vision.

John 15 and Matthew 13 beautifully sum up the reality that all people in our churches aren't going to Heaven. The Church is constantly throwing out seeds and only 1/4 of those seeds end up being fruitful. John 15 also states that God The Father cuts off every branch that doesn't bear fruit. A lot of instances where we are seeing dramatic weeding out in our churches are seeing threats of people leaving should be treated as exactly what it is...God weeding out our churches so that we may bear more fruit. Lets not hold onto the weeds that are trying to strangle the fruitful. The churches I have attended I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is setting those churches up for revival and to see things deeper than what has ever been seen before. However, as a church we can not experience God in that level when we have a cancerous people plaguing our Body. When the Word is being powerfully brought forth God responds. 

I have had the blessing and privilege to be under two amazing sets of leadership and I owe so much to them and their ministries. It is such a hard thing to see leadership hurt due to the weeding out process and having people that they've poured into leave, but God has a plan and a purpose for  His Church and at the end of the day some relationships in the Body need to end so we can move onto another level of Glory and have our tents enlarged. I want to finish this by saying not every person leaving the church is in rebellion or "unsaved". Some people have different preferences in churches and if the church isn't theirs that is okay. There is however a biblical way to leave a church and a very non-biblical way to leave a church and how you leave makes a huge difference to everyone involved and most importantly to God. If you leave fighting and being in rebellion against leadership don't expect to be blessed by God in many aspects of your life.

God's Standard Versus My Standards

     Tonight as I was trying to fall asleep (to no avail) my mind kept just drifting to different subjects that made me feel uncomfortable. I quickly turned on my light and looked up verses that had to do with what I was dealing with. In the concordance in the back of my Bible I looked up the words 'temptation' and 'tempted'. My mind after reading those verses turned to God's standards. A common theme throughout the Old Testament is these long drawn out rules that are impossible to keep. In my opinion the standard gets even more difficult in the New Testament. I look at the Church's standard of Holiness, Zac's slightly stricter standard of Holiness, and God's actual standard of Holiness. You see Zac's standard of Holiness is warped because of Church's standard of Holiness. In my eyes, I unknowingly feel holy or condemned by the actions of those in the Christian Community. I don't curse, so I must be holier than Mr. Sailor. I don't drink, so I must be holier than Mr. Alcoholic. I don't prostitute myself around sexually, so I'm definitely holier than Mr. Fornicator. But how pure is Mr. No sex-drugs-alcohol-profanity in the eyes of God. To be fully honest...just as holy as Mr. Sailor, Mr. Alcoholic, and Mr. Fornicator.  I'm willing to go a step farther and saying I'm not any more holier than Mr. Struggling Homosexual in the Church. *Cue the dramatic gasp* You see Mr. Holy may not be all those things on the outside, but he is on the inside. Mr. Holy's impure thought during class makes him Mr. Fornicator. Mr. Holy's mental cuss out in the high speed lane when he has to turn off his very comfortable cruise control because someone slower decides to get in the lane classifies him as Mr. Sailor. Mr. Holy's constant statement of when he is home on the weekend that he'd rather be out partying and drink and having a good ol' time puts him in the same boat as Mr. Alcoholic. All of the above I've been guilty of more than enough times. We allow out standard of holiness be defined by sinners themselves rather than God. 

    You see I'm a firm believer that God has begun a great sanctification work in me from the second I said "Amen" when I answered the salvation message. I know for a fact that that very work that had begun almost 4 years ago will not be complete as long as I'm breathing on this earth. That being said I also know that the degree of sinfulness in me today should not be the same level it was 4 years ago which shouldn't be the same 4 years from now. I often look at people in the Church and say " Why are they so complacent in their pursuit of holiness? They keep rounding the same mountain over and over." The actuality is that chances are that person is not 1. Relying on God to allow for His deliverance or 2. They become complacent because they think they're holier than new Christians and thus they have arrived rather than look at the standard God has. 

      I personally have really strict views on sex, dating, music, and ultimately anything secular. My 'strict' views come out in my preaching, teaching, ministering, and overall opinion of subjects. I've come to learn even my standards are too lax compared to God's. I don't want to portray a God that is so strict and unmerciful that He is unapproachable because that is the exact opposite of His nature. I want to just reveal the absolute Sovereignty and Holiness of God. I often hear Christians say, " I have grace for that!" Or " I'm not held to that kind of standard." I do believe that God calls some Christians to a higher level of holiness than others, BUT I don't believe our visions are to be too far off from one another. One subject that comes to me is the issue of dating. Teenagers and your dating. It's enough to make me nuts. My personal view...a Christian is not able to causally date and still be following the will of God. I do not believe that God would ordain a relationship that is meant to end and most of the time end with regret and hurt. I've heard before, " Well that's just too strict or legalistic!" Can we look for a second at God's intention of dating? God has ordained courting as the period of time to better familiarize yourself with the spouse He designed for you before engagement and marriage. Courting is sacred. I believe that it is the foundations of the family and relationship the two will have to build on. Courting is meant to study, pray, and encounter God together, and as well learn each other. I don't believe courting should be entered lightly but rather it be a declaration of a marriage in the making. The emotional and spiritual connection that is destined to happen between to Spirit-filled Christians should not be entered casually and be entered with multiple different people before " the one" rolls along. God calls you to be patient and alert waiting for the man or woman He has for you. Not play around until they come along. 

     God's final destination for us is far greater than we can ever comprehend. I honestly believe that if we throw away the vision we have of holiness based on earthly merit and others that we would become an even more empowered people constantly moving towards the prize. When we become God minded rather than church minded our Holiness comes so much easier than trying to keep up with an ever changing standard that the World and the Church set for us. It may seem that achieving God's standard of Holiness is much harder than your own personal criteria or the criteria posed by the people of the Church. However, that's just what the enemy wants you to believe. When you decide to abandon every preconceived notion of how to be holy and allow God to define it in your heart so gain a freedom that the enemy never wanted you to have.  Being holy becomes so much easier because God just doesn't stop at giving you the desire to be His kind of holy, but He personally, by His sovereign hands walks you through the process to the point that the thought of sin quickly becomes taken captive. God won't create a standard within you that you can't reach, but by His Spirit will make you a new being and one day will complete it in Glory. 

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."- Philippians 1:6

God You're So Good

"Therefore, as it is written: "Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord."- 1 Corinthians 1:31      I have never been the best at bragging and encouraging a person very often. For me naturally as a leader and a person I find it easier to find the areas that need strengthening and to challenge everyone involved to grow the area and to just bypass the parts that were completed with excellence and encourage the ones responsible for it. I am slowly learning how important it is that I purposely acknowledge, thank, and encourage others for their work. However, for the past few weeks God has really given me substantial reasons to boast in Him and all the things that He has done in my life and the lives of the people who surround me. 1) For the past almost 3 years I've had in my head about doing a Mexico Missions Trip. Always thought it was out of reach and I had plenty of other things that would come up in its place. October after a youth service I really felt like God was saying, "It's time." So of course I spend a few month praying. Then about a month ago I get an email giving me all the information, deadlines, and pricing. Of course I went, "my gosh this is impossible!" Especially when one of the financial deadlines was only weeks away. I sent out missions letters to everyone I could think of. I had to continually tell myself that I walk by faith and not by sight. It seemed that the money was coming in slowly but surely. Thank God for the ones that felt led to give big offerings and Thank God for the ones that gave what they could. It really showed me that there are people behind my ministry, and are willing to sacrifice their hard earned money so I can go do the work of God. The deadline came and to the Glory of God I was able to fully make my first payment without it costing me anything. I now have 2 other payment, but my faith has been built up so much by what God is doing and His faithfulness to His children. 2) About two weeks ago I was privileged to go on a Youth Conference trip with a youth group that I just love. My expectations of the week was that I was just going to end up having a great time with the people I enjoy being with so much. My expectations for the services were low. I just went to have fun and to be able to just get away from all the stress of life at home. Weeks prior to the trip I was just feeling so stressed and ultimately discouraged about my dreams for ministry. I felt that all the dreams I felt God had given me for ministry were too far off and I just ignorantly was listening and believing the lies that the enemy was speaking. I looked forward to the trip months before I was even going, but my excitement rose weeks before leaving just so I can leave and not have to worry about anything. The day I was leaving I packed up my stuff looked in my rear view mirror as I hit the highway I thought, " all my problems will be here when I get back. Woohoo." The drive to pick up friends from Valley Forge Christian College was just incredible it seemed like everything I've been wanting to do for a while just opened up. A great sunny day where I can just travel through the country with the windows down and worship music up. The drive to Windber, PA was honestly the best time I had in weeks. Just driving with Christians with Hillsong United on took my mind off of everything. Then we left in a church van to drive all the way to Tennessee. The ride down was so much fun. We get there go to bed and then wake up to go to Gatinburg, TN. Had a incredible day with everyone. Then we go to the first service. Worship was great, the message was great, but the altar call was even better. I saw as the altar piled up with people hungry to receive Christ. Up until that point I always felt casually about people needing Jesus and getting saved. I felt my lack of passion for the lost would disqualify me for where I want to go in ministry. However that night there was a switch in me. I sat there and watched people respond and return back to their Creator and I just sat in my seat crying because I now instantly had a passion in my heart for the lost and seeing them return to the Love they were created to have. The service ends make our way back to the hotel. The next day we go back to Gatinburg, TN again a perfect day. Then back to service. Worship was even better, the message was even better, and the altar service even better. That night Kevin Wallace preached on the anointing. I knew even before the message that God was going to give a deeper anointing to the leaders of youth groups and churches that night. I knew during worship that was when God was giving me fresh vision and ultimately breaking off the dead things in my heart and voiding all the assignments and lies of the enemy. However, I didn't expect to see all that I did that night. The one leader in the youth group I was with blessed me so much during that service. To see Jonathan first receive everything He had been crying out to God for a while at that point just revealed to me how Faithful God is to our prayers and our cries. Then I stood and watched how Jonathan made his way to each of his youth group members and pray for them. Each one of them receiving from God in a new way. A moment I won't forget anytime soon. We later had a great talk about how God really answered the things he was praying for. Encouraged me so much. Then that night all the youth and chaperones piled, and I mean piled, into this room to share about what God had been doing (which I absolutely love). I sat and listened to some of the greatest people in my life talking about their encounters. I reluctantly shared my heart and another one of the most inspirational people I know responds to me and gives me words that felt like it was coming straight from the mouth of God. In that moment I knew that everything I believed before about my ministry and all the things I felt unsure about were answered in that moment. After everything we go and return to our rooms. Then we wake up to go to the last service. Worship was refreshing and the words of Reggie Dabbs brought tears to my eyes. The commission of being sent and reaching the lost never seemed so urgent to me before. So of course I'm a blubbering mess at this point. Then we leave to head back to the cold snowy Pennsylvania with another great car ride. I reflected on the drive back home the next day on all that God had done. I had a great conversation again with someone so important in my life and really brought forth revelation and  encouragement that I had not expected. I drove the rest of the way home just crying out to God for newness and to not come back the same, but to come back in a new Glory and a new season. God answered. I left that trip with such a refreshing socially by spending a flawless weekend with some of my closest friends and left refreshed spiritually by being ministered so deeply by two people who I have such a respect for and see God so strongly in their life. I returned home with more than I had ever expected. There has been so much I could just sit and praise God about, but those two things have just allowed me to see people and God in a completely new way and broke off the uneasiness and confusion that had entangled me and clouded my focus to see what God was speaking in that season. The best quote I can think of that perfectly encompasses how I've been feeling these past two weeks comes from the wonderful Mabel "Madea" Simmons: " I am livin' for the Lort, I am livin' for the Lort. When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all that he has donnnnnnne for me, my soul cries out halleu-yer thank God for savin' me."